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| Dealing with the death of a loved oneSurah 3. [Aali 'Imran]: 185. Every soul will taste of death. And you will be paid on the Day of Resurrection only that which you have fairly earned. Whosoever is removed from the Fire and is made to enter Paradise, he indeed is triumphant. The life of this world is but comfort of illusion. Surah 21. [Al-Anbiya]: 35 - Every soul shall have a taste of death: and we test you by evil and by good by way of trial. To us must you return.. (The Prophets). Surah 29. [Al-'Ankabut]: 57 - Every soul shall have a taste of death: in the end to us you shall be brought back.. (The Spider). Personal experienceAt some time a person we know and are close to will die. Many acquaintances, relatives and friends had passed away by the time I was in my forties, but none were like watching my father die of cancer. My father did not convert to Islam while he could communicate. His explanation was that although be believed in God (the Oneness of God), he felt that organised religion was the cause of most of the troubles and wars in the world. Due to this he rejected religion, but believed in God. Looking at the world, he is correct that much strife and war derives from organised religions, and I am sure that on the Day of Judgment, this will be a valid petition. CancerMy father developed prostate cancer. This was diagnosed over 10 years before he died and did not dramatically affect his life until the last year of life. Prostate cancer became bone cancer and spread through his body causing incredible pain requiring various medications including morphine. In the last few weeks he got weaker to the point that he could not hold a conversation, but would answer or question in single words or short sentences. Due to the medication, he slept most of the time and would really only make an effort when we visited. He spent a lot of time watching TV at the end, as he could just manage to shuffle from his bed to the couch. In the last few days, he would hold onto my mother’s shoulders and she would walk in from of him to the lounge, the garden chair or to the toilet. This degree of weakness lasted less than two weeks, was filled with pain and drugs and partial consciousness. Having been an alcohol drinker, especially beer, all his adult life, the cancer surprisingly caused an aversion to all alcohol in the last months of life. He enjoyed food and juices and ate a lot of fruit salads. EndingsOn a Friday, he was still managing to get to the lounge, but by Monday he was unable to walk, sit, talk or eat. His neck and the side of his face had swelled up terribly with a blocked salivary gland. It looked very painful and his hand would reach up to it in an attempt to touch it. This condition could not be managed by my mother, so he was moved to a hospice for professional care. During the weekend he had a very bad time, but managed to hug and kiss my sister, a rare expression of affection that she will treasure. He also expressed sincere love for my mother and said their years together had been good. Soon after this he lost his ability to communicate or talk. HospiceMy mother slept at his side each night and we visited daily. I had wanted to talk about Islam to him before he became so weak, but we never got onto the subject. His condition was such that he could not eat or drink. A syringe was used to put drops in his mouth, but he would choke on a few milliliters. Each day, he was expected to die, but he lived with no water or food. He was medicated to help handle the pain. In hospice the swelling on his neck declined each day, until his face looked normal again when he died. Spiritual battleHe was still partly conscious, but unable to talk. The nurses would move him every four hours to a new position, causing pain that often brought some consciousness for a few moments. I would make “wuzu” and then read Sura Yaseen every day. When I had moments alone I would explain the very basics - that God is One and that we believe in all the Prophets and that
the Prophet Muhammad [1]
Allah-humma ah-yini ma kaanatil hayaatu khairall-lee wa tawaff-fani i-dha kaanatil wa faato khai-rall-lee. Translation: O Allah, keep me alive so long as it is in my best interest and give me death when it is in my best interest. [2]
La ba'sa tahoorun inshaa-Allah. La ba'sa tahoorun inshaa-Allah. Translation: No need to worry. It (this sickness) is a means of cleansing from sins. No need to worry. It (this sickness) is a means of cleansing from sins. I found some invocations for the terminally ill that I read repeatedly each day in he week.
Allahum-maghfirli warhamni walhiqni birrafeeqil a`la. “Oh Allah, forgive me and protect me and grant-me the supreme consort”. As he was dying, the. Prophet
La ilaha illallahu inna lilmauti lasakaraatin. "There is no God but Allah, surely death is agony." (Al-Bukhari, from Al-Asgalani, Fath Al-Ban 4/1893) On around Wednesday I read this. The next day I read it and wiped my Father’s face with water. He was hot and seemed to like this, but there was no physical response. His unshaven face was rough to touch. I hoped for any chance for guidance (hidayat) while he was alive. I read this each day until his death. I also read other short duas often, such as:
There is no God except Allah alone, no associate does He have. His is the Kingdom, to Him is All-Praise, and He is well able to do all things. Also
La ilaha illallahu wallahu Akbar, la ilaha illallahu wahdahu, la ilaha illallahu wahdahu la shareeka lahu, la ilaha. illallahu, lahul mulku wa lahul hamdu, la ilaha illallahu wa la haula wa la quwwata illa bilah. “There is no God but Allah, Allah is Greatest. There is no God but Allah alone. There is no God but Allah alone. He has no partner. There is no God but Allah. His is dominion and His is praise. There is no God but Allah. There is no power and no might but by Allah.” I also read the kalima out loud to him.
The last words of the dying Whoever dies with the last words: La ilaha illallahu. "There is no God but Allah" will enter Paradise. One one day, around Wednesday, he seemed a bit more conscious and standing near him, I explained loudly to my mother that in the afterlife, there is a large lake that satisfies all thirst. This is lake Kauthar the large lake that satisfies all thirsts. People who drink from it satisfy all forms of thirst. (Note: Traditionists of the rank of Imam Ahmad, Muslim, Abu Daud, Nasai, Ibn Abi Shaibah, Ibn al-Mundhir, Ibn Marduyah, Baihaqi and others have related from Hadrat Anas bin Malik, saying: "The Holy Prophet was among us. In the meantime he dozed; then he raised his
head, smiling, according to some traditions, the people asked what for he was smiling, according to others, he himself told them that a Surah had just been revealed to him. Then, with Bismillah ir-Rahman ir-Rahim, he recited Surah Al-Kauthar; then he asked the people whether they knew what Kauthar was. When they said that Allah and his Messenger had the best knowledge, he said; It is a river which my Lord has granted me in Paradise." Anas bin Malik, may Allah be pleased with him, reported: DeathOn Friday my father seemed to notice me. He appeared more conscious and managed to move his right arm towards me as I stood next to him on his right. I took his hand and shook it as we would have done in greeting or farewell. I gripped and added pressure and relaxed to try and enter his awareness. His eyes would blink every now and again. On Saturday, my father was alive, even though not having had water or food since Monday! I had discovered DUA’A - UL - A’DEELAH. I had the English and Arabic of this. The print made the Arabic difficult to read. As I arrived, I had time alone with my father. I immediately started reading the English meaning of Dua A’deelah slowly and clearly, selecting the detail that would have meaning to him (in bold below). For a convert, the meanings are powerful. For a dying person the meanings have impact. They answer the questions to the simple declarations I had made earlier about God and the Prophets.
Afterwards, I read the Arabic quietly as best as I could I also read each verse Al Fatiha in Arabic and then gave the English translation. I read this a few times. Next, I read again the dua’s used by the Holy Prophet When the rest of the family came in, I sat and read Yaseen quietly again. We had tea and talked (my mother, sister and niece). He was breathing evenly and seemed at preace. The swollen or blocked salivary gland was almost completely healed by now and he was lying on his right side. After the nurses had cleaned him and cleared his throat, I read some duas. He was now on his back again. The nurses mentioned that his eyes would dry out if open without blinking, so I pressed them closed to blink them. I the read daruud and according to the one tradition I knew, I pressed my thumb lightly against the closed eyes with the intention of giving coolness to the eyes through the blessing of the darood (salawat). [1] Allahumma salli ‘ala sayyidina Muhammadin [2]
Allahumma salli ‘ala (sayyidina) Muhammadin Allah please shower your blessings upon our Master Muhammad wa ‘ala ali Muhammadin and upon the family of Muhammad kama sallayta ‘ala Ibrahim as you have showered your blessings upon Abraham wa ‘ala ali Ibrahim and the family of Abraham, innaka hamidun majid indeed You are Most Praiseworthy and Glorious [3] Wa barik ‘ala sayyidina Muhammadin Allah shower Your grace upon our master Muhammad wa ‘ala ali Muhammadin and upon the family of Muhammad kama barakta ‘ala Ibrahim as you have showered Your grace upon Abraham wa ‘ala ali Ibrahim and the family of Abraham, innaka hamidun majid indeed You are Most Praiseworthy and Glorious. The invocation of Blessings on the Holy Prophet (Sall Allahu ‘alaihi wa Salim) is styled in Arabic as "Salawat", in Persian as "Durood", and in Urdu as "Salawat-o-Salaam". 56 Allah and His angels send blessings on the Nabee (Prophet): You that believe! send blessings on him and salute him with all respect.
My father was breathing evenly and seemed at peace. The swollen or blocked salivary gland was almost completely healed by now and he was lying on his right side. In the afternoon I again started reading duas. Again, I turned to a dua to use when in any difficulty whatsoever. (Whenever making du'aa read the following couplets at least once.). His eyes would blink lightly. This was the only indication of possible consciousness. A small tear came out of the corner of his left eye, but it could of simply been moisture from the eye.
Yaa man yujee-bu du-'aa-al mudh-tar-ri fiz zulami; Yaa kaa-shifad dur-ri wal balwaa ma'as saqami “Oh the one who accepts the du'aas of a desperate, hard pressed person when he prays to him in the darkness of the night. Oh the remover of harms and hardships as well as sicknesses.” On the completion of this verse, my father took two breaths and died. A few second later, there were one or two instinctive short intakes of breath that made us think he was still alive, but he was at peace. His face was calm. It looked smaller and thinner, but younger. Grief tore at my heart. Crying, I read the second part of the dua: (Thereafter, say the following words thrice and then make du'aa:)
Yaa ga-yaa-thee 'in-da kul-li kur-ba-tin; wa mu-jee-bee 'in-da kul-li da'wa-tin; wa moo-ni -see 'in-da kul-li wah-sha-tin; wa ma'aa-thee 'in-da kul-li shid-da-tin; wa ra-jaa'ee hee-na tan-qa-ti'u hee-la-tun 0h my saviour in times of grief, and the responder to my du'aas, and my consoler in times of shock and anxiety, and my refuge in times of hardship, and my hope when all forms of support and scheming have departed. We consoled each other and sat with his body. We left my mother alone with him for a while. Before his body was moved, I again read Sura Yaseen. I pray that in those last moments he heard me and that faith entered his heart and that he died as a Muslim so that I can hope to meet him joyfully in the hereafter, triumphant. He appeared to be waiting for his information and to receive the message. I gave him a Muslim death as best as I could and pray that God in his infinite Mercy accepts this prayer and guides his heart. My father’s request and my mother’s wish was that he be cremated, so I never saw his body again. I miss his certainty on issues of life, his simple wisdom and advice, his care. He was born on 20 June 1940 and died a 4.30 pm on 15 January 2005 at 74 years of age. Note:Question: I have been asked regarding kissing the thumbs when the Prophets (peace be upon Him) name is mentioned, I have heard of the hadiths regarding Hadhrat Abu Bakr (RA ) and the hadith regarding Hadrat Adam (AS), but I cannot find them, could you please locate these and give me the references. Jazakhallah Brother KM Answer: The reference regarding this kissing of a thumb is from Hadhrat Abu Bakr Siddique (RA) in Al Maqasid ul Hasana written by Imam Sakhawi hadith No 1021
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is the seal of the Prophets and last prophet. Angels would question him on this. I found a few short duas to read, including:
dipped his hands in water and wiped his face saying:
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